Lynetta's lines

I took Matthew up to Lipscomb College Monday. I helped him set up his dorm room. I organized his closet. I made up his bed. I did everything a mother should do - then I kissed him good-bye and I left. I held up pretty well - at least until I got in the car and drove away. All year long I have been trying to prepare myself for this day. I knew from my experience with sending Kari and Andrea off to college how hard it was going to be. But, sending Matthew off to college was only part of the challenge that I faced.

Matthew has always talked to us about someday finding his biological mother. Gary and I have always supported him and encouraged him. We told him that we would help him anyway that we could. I guess I just never dreamed it would happen so quicky.

You would think that I would have learned by now to simply trust God and let him lead. But I must admit that I am still struggling with that one. If I were allowed to write the ending to Matthew's story I'm not so sure that I could. Perhaps I am being nieve, perhaps I am being a little over protective, perhaps a little selfish. While I was thinking of words like closure and acceptance and moving on, God was using words like relationship, new beginnings, and family.

I understand that the words that God seems to be choosing for Matthew are much better than the ones I had in mind but they are unexpected and to be honest they are a little scary. But I'll be fine (a little insecure, but fine) God and I have had differences of opinion before. Luckily, he always wins.

Psamls 139 3-6 (Easy to read version) Lord, you know what I want to say, even before the words leave my mouth. Lord you are all around me - in front and in back of me. You gently put your hand on me. I am amazed at what you know. It is too much for me to understand.