The Addiction Monster (part two)

The first sign that the monster had been loosed was an overwhelming feeling of stress. This seemed odd. I had weathered an unbelievable amount of stress over the previous few years and had apparently handled it all just fine.

This overwhelming stress soon morphed itself into a mild but persistent depression. With my nursing and pharmacology knowledge, combined with my pride and larger than life ego, I decided that I could successfully self medicate my way through this little set back.

Despite my best efforts the mild depression soon transformed itself into a chronic very debilitating funk. 12 hour night shifts at the hospital were becoming unmanageable. I needed a little help with my self medicating. I soon had medical Doctors and Psychiatrist prescribing me safe and appropriate medication. The only real snag was in the fact that I was lying through my teeth to obtain the drugs I wanted.

My nursing and pharmacology knowledge served me well yet again when I proceeded to mix the medication in inappropriate combinations and doses. I soon learned that the medicine worked much faster, and lasted much longer, when mixed with alcohol.

Paranoia, obsession, and constant mood swings quickly followed. This of course called for stronger medication. I was growing desperate so I turned to a very familiar and readily available nursing tool - a 5cc syringe with a 25 gauge needle.

The one time quiet monster was now growling, spitting and screaming. His roar was deafening and terrifying. He was out of control and unstoppable. This monster wanted me dead. He would not rest until he succeeded.

I resisted at first, but in my heart I knew that I was powerless. My efforts were too little – too late. My strength soon gave out. I gave in and agreed that this monster really knew best. He had been right all along. It would be best for everyone.