Famous Quotes

“The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.”

Ernest Hemingway

I love this quote. My Addiction counselor quoted it last night in our session. He reminded me of how a bone always heals stronger after it has been broken. This gave me hope.

But isn’t Hemingway also the one who said “All thinking men are atheist”? Isn’t he also the one who put a shot gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger on July 2 1961? How can someone be so intelligent and so ignorant all at the same time? That is a question that has been haunting me a lot lately. To have lived, learned and experienced so much…. How did I end up here?

Another quote that I have learned to finally appreciate is credited to American author Napoleon Hill (1883 – 1970)

“The paths of least resistance make all rivers, and some men crooked”

I used to think this quote meant that if you are lazy, you will end up a liar and a crook – or worse yet - an alcoholic or an addict. But if you really think about it, crooked rivers are not necessarily bad – neither are crooked people.

I have sat through many Speaker Meetings lately. A Speaker Meeting is where an addict or an alcoholic stands up in front of a group of strangers, and honestly and openly tells their story. They hold nothing back – nothing!

I sat and listened to a young girl confess to drug addiction and prostitution. She had learned both from her mother. She hated and mistrusted men because her father physically and sexually abused her from the time she was six years old. She was not justifying her choices. She was not making excuses’. It was not however, “the path of least resistance” that carried her through such a tangled path of poor choices – it was pure survival.

She sat in tears confessing her defects and exposing her soul to a group of total strangers. She was by the world’s definition, crooked - but by no means was she bad.

It reminds me of another famous quote. A fellow named Jesus said this one as he was talking to a prostitute who had just been caught in the act of adultery.

Neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin." (John 8:11 NIV)

This one gives me hope too.

The Detox Porch

For the moment, how I got there is not important. It is enough for now to simply admit that I was there.

It was God’s way of putting me in “Time Out” - A twelve week “Time Out” to be exact.
My first day:

Lynetta kissed me good bye. We both cried, and then she drove away. It was the most alone I had ever been in my entire life. It was a loneliness that I could touch, taste, and smell. It made it hard for me to breath.

“Detox” is at first glance a musty old basement. It is filled with lost souls of every description. Most of which are not even aware of where they are. It was obvious that I didn’t belong there. I tried to tell them – but they wouldn’t listen.

First they took away my cell phone. Then they searched my luggage – every pocket, every sock, every pair of neatly folded underwear. I told them that I was an honest man, and that I had not hidden anything. It was about then that they made me undress and submit to a strip search. We had a communication problem. They thought that I was just like the other drug addicts and alcoholics. They treated me just like they treated the crack heads, and the meth mouth junkies – just like the guy hallucinating and slobbering all over himself in the corner. What was their problem!

They took me to my room. The room was dark, and musty. It appeared clean enough, but it reminded me of a cheap motel where they only wash the sheets once a week whether they need it or not. The mattress and the pillows were all cover with plastic. As a nurse, I knew exactly why they did that.

Other than my room the only other place that I was allowed to go was out to the “Detox Porch.” That, I learned quickly, was where every one went to smoke and listen to the seasoned veterans (anyone who had been in “Detox” for more than 2 days.) The veterans would tell stories of the craziest most messed up people they had seen come through so far. The stories somehow made the rest of us feel a little better. We could always say “well, at least I’m not that bad – yet”.

I avoided the “porch” for as long as I could. I tried hiding in my room, but the room always felt like it was on the verge of vomiting me out into the hall. I prayed a lot. I asked over and over again how God could allow me – of all people – to be stuck in a place like this.
It didn’t take long for God to answer.

Have you ever experienced “The Look”? You know, when a parent or your spouse looks at you with a stern glare. The one where if looks could kill, you’d be toast? Well, I didn’t actually see God’s “Look” – but I felt it. It was the “just who, do you think you are?” look. “Do you really think you are any better, smarter, or more deserving than any one of these people?” “How dare you!”

God spoke to me that night. Not in words that anyone could hear. But I got the message loud and clear. The message was this:

“Do you see these broken people on the “Detox Porch?” “They are my family.” “I love them all very dearly”. “Go out and meet them.” “You will love them too.”
It was at that moment that I surrendered. I did belong. I deserved to be there. I really was just like every one else.

I went and sat right between the worst looking two on the porch. The smoke was choking me, but I really didn’t care. They were absolutely wonderful people. They were real people. They were open and honest. What you saw was what you got. I learned later that there were millionaires and homeless folks on that porch that night - people with everything – and people with nothing.

There we were all children of God - and nothing else mattered.

Lord, Help me to never forget – That nothing else ever matters.

Life Happens

Hi !
How have you been?
Do you Remember me?
It has been a while.... (November 2008 to be exact)

A lot has happened since we last spoke.
It is a long story. If you have a minute I would like to share it with you - a little at a time - One day at a time

Allow me to begin by introducing myself again. I am probably not the same person that you remember. As a matter of fact, I am not the same person at all....

My name is Gary. I'm an alcoholic and an addict.
I am out of work, broke, in debt, and out of shape - and I couldn't be happier!

My story is one of surrender and acceptance. But, mostly it's a story of second chances, forgiveness, and God's amazing grace.

So, if your bored, and you have a minute or two, grab a cup of coffee and join me.
I will post as often as I can until the story is told. It is not a very pretty story, but it is all true.

Thanks.